advice · Friends · Our Thoughts

Second chances

Let’s talk about giving second chances. For me, I was a firm believer that sometimes people make a mistake. I believed these people are worthy of having a second chance, no matter how much they may have hurt my feelings. But that was just me. Some people have such a hard time letting people into their lives to begin with. Therefore, a second chance is simply seen as a second chance that this person could hurt them again. Both of these sides I can understand. Either you give people second chances or you don’t.

Here’s the thing though, I usually tend to give people a second second chance. Or a third second chance. Or fourth. Fifth. Sixth. You get the point. I’ve come to realize a thing or two about people who deserve a second chance and people who don’t even deserve the first chance you gave them.

If you are in a friendship or relationship where…

You have to prove your worthiness of being their friend or significant other, they don’t deserve it.

Why? Because you shouldn’t have to fight for a friendship or relationship where the other person questions why they need or would want you in their life.

If you are in a friendship or relationship where…

You have been hurt so many times that the actions causing the hurt no longer upset you, they don’t deserve it.

Why? Because this person has hurt you consistently over and over again. Yes sometimes people can change. But this is reoccurring, there is no sign of change when someone has hurt you multiple times.

If you are in a friendship or relationship where…

There isn’t mutual trust or honesty, they don’t deserve it.

Why? Because trust and honesty are the base of any friendship and relationship. If you can’t trust your friend or significant other, the entire base of this friendship is falling apart.

If you are in a friendship or relationship where…

They simply don’t care about you or your feelings, they don’t deserve it.

Why? Because a true friend or partner cares about how you feel. They care if they hurt your feelings or upset you in someway.

If you are in a friendship or relationship where…

You are the one making plans to hangout all the time or being the first to text or call them, they don’t deserve it.

Why? Because every friendship or relationship should be mutual. A mutual agreement to each start a conversation one day instead of one person putting all the effort into the friendship or relationship.

Here’s the thing with second chances, once you give them a second chance, they think that they will always get another second chance. There’s a lot of circumstances that I can’t even begin to write in the above examples. The point being, that once a person is disrespectful or hurtful to you, it’s difficult to forgive them never mind give them a second chance at being in your life. You’re always going to think back to the day they said this or did that. But you’ll be the bigger person and put the hurt in the past. But once you give one second chance, it’s difficult to stop giving second chances. You become numb to the hurt and the disrespect. You begin to think that that’s just how it is. You overlook things that upset you. You forgive them. You start over. You put it all in the past. But, it really never is in the past. You always wonder when it’s going to happen again. You question everything they say to you.

So here’s what I’ve come to realize about giving people second chances.

First off, obviously this person has to genuinely feel badly for what they did or said. Don’t accept any apology over a text or phone call. Anyone can type something in a text message or say something without looking you face to face.

Second, make them wait it out. They hurt you, why should you immediately let them back into your life? Make them prove that they feel badly and prove that they want your friendship or relationship. That it means as much to them as it means to you.

Never fight for a friendship or relationship where you weren’t the one making the mistake. Someone else hurt you, why are you proving yourself to them to keep the friendship or relationship?

Once you have spent some time kind of waiting it out and deciding if this friendship or relationship is one that is worth a shot at a second chance, talk to them in person. Explain to them that what happened really hurt you but you feel that this friendship or relationship is one that is worthy of a second chance.

But that is it.

One second chance.

The point of a second chance is that this person only has this one shot. And if they make a mistake again, they don’t get to have a second second chance.

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s